La Santisima Muerte

Also known as Mictecacihuatl, the Aztec goddess of the underworld and death. She is usually portrayed as a skeletal figure in white, black, or multicolored robes. Her mouth is open to catch the night stars and she carries a scythe in one hand and a skull in the other. According to myth Mictecahituatl was sacrificed as an infant and married the Aztec god of the underworld afterward. She later killed her cheating husband and as such became the patron of women plagued with unfaithful husbands as well as a protectress of workers at night, magick workers, wives, and mothers...especially those with abusive husbands. 

Special days : Dia de Muerte
Colors : white, black, grey, vibrant rainbow colors
Flowers : white but any color will do as long as they are vibrant, handmade paper flowers are welcome. 
Offerings : unsweetened chocolate, cocoa beans, rice, raw beans, honey, Mexican candies,raw sugar cane, tobacco, tequila, fruit


Altars should be bright and colorful. Not all cultures viewed death as a means for mourning. An image of Mictecacihuatl should be somewhere on or above the altar. Altar cloth should be bright, black, white, or grey. Mine has an image hanging over the altar, rainbow fabric on the altar, two white candles, bottles with small white candles, and three small terra cotta pots with beans, rice, and sugar cane in each one. I also keep a bottle with fresh flowers, a bowl of water, and skull candles. My interest in her was triggered after running into a practitioner of Santeria at the flea market who sells vigil candles. I tried to purchase a seven powers La Santisima Muerte candle ( it's a glass candle with 7 equal parts of colored wax.) and instead was given the candle as a gift by the gentleman. This of course prompted much research and even more interest. Now the candle and the altar have a quiet place in my bedroom. For some reason knowing the story behind the scary image makes her a lot less scary and a lot more caring. 

Rhiannon

Rhiannon has always been one of my favorite goddesses, especially so within the Welsh pantheon. She is known as one of the most bountiful and merciful goddesses within the pantheon, an anomoly amongst the Celtic/Gaulic deities. In some traditions she is a fary goddess and in others she is the fierce sister to the MorRhiaghan...the goddess Macha. Rhiannon may be called upon by women seeking to have children, women who have lost children, women suffering abusive marriages, and those suffering from sustained grief. Also a fertility goddess of vegetation and domestic animals, she is most closely associated with horses but also with wrens in her Crone aspect. Rhiannon is known to grant life but also to ease one's suffering in death. As a goddess of earth, she may be called upon to aid failing crops, domestic animals, or to ease one's financial state. As a sea goddess, she may be called upon to ease troubled waters and emotional stability. Her role may also be extended to the realm of dreams and death.

The most recognizable tale of Rhiannon stems from the Mabinoginon in which her marriage to Pwyll produces Pryderi who later became known for his battles with Bran the Blessed, his rule as King of Dyfed, and later the battle of the pigs in which he battled Gwydion and was killed in battle.

Rhiannon's role as both a goddess of mercy and her connection to both white mare and night mare began with her birth as the daughter of the Horned god and a white mare created from seafoam as the first waves of the ocean hit land. This union between earth and sea (god of vegetation and animals, creature of the sea) formed a part of the holy triad, earth, sea, and sky. Her totems, the wren and mare further exemplify her connection with the triad, her own divinity being the sky (heaven). As a part of a ninefold sisterhood, herself a triple goddess, she shares an aspect with Macha (Crone goddess), and with Ellen, the Horned Goddess of animals, pathfinding, and fields. Her mother triplicity also shares an aspect with Modron (the celebration of Mabon is reserved for this and all related aspects). Both Macha and Modron share an association with the Irish war goddess MorRhiaghan. Both MorRhiaghan and Rhiannon share the name Great Queen and associations with death, the sea, dreaming, and fertility.

The association between MorRhiaghan and Rhiannon can be best seen in their association with dream magick, the sea, and terror. As Macha the Night Mare, Rhiannon travels the dreaming realms as a black horse bringing terror to unwary sleepers. However, she is not directly responsible for the contents of those dreams. She merely assists us in better knowing ourselves by greater understanding of our subconcious. This role may be further solidified in her connection with Ellen, the pathfinder. Those who have lost their way appeal to Ellen ( later canonized as a saint as Saint Helen)), to both find their footing, direction in life, and for protection along life's travels. Nowhere can this be best done than within the dreaming realms.

As goddesses connected to the sea, the name Mor Rhiaghan is translated into 'sea queen' or great queen of the sea. In some respects she is described as a mermaid, and as others as a seabaring shapeshifter although primarily she is known for her work on land as a  goddess of fertility, death, magick, and war. While both goddesses did not share the same appeal among the Gauls or the Roman invaders they did share aspects. Both MorRhiaghan and Rhiannon share associations with birds as Rhiannon's wrens sang the dying to sleep to ease their passing and MorRhiaghan's crows, ravens, and vultures carried the souls of the dying soldier to their final resting place.

Oya, Goddess of Transition

Oya's name quite literally translates into "She Tore" which is quite fitting for this lady of destruction. She is mistress of storms, especially those involving great amounts of wind and lightening. It's said that when Oya dances, destruction is afoot. Her twirling and energetic dancing creates tornadoes and wind storms, the sparks from her flying feet and outstretched hands causing lightening and static charges. Like most Yoruban Goddesses, She loves intense colors and Her space should be decorated in rich plums, purples, golds, fiery oranges, and deep forest greens. Feast days are noted for November 25,December 04,  Feb 02, and Feb 09. Offerings should include, cocoa butter, black beans, rice, eggplant, and rain water from a storm.

Oya brings destruction, chaos, and as a result, change and transition. She often appears to Her devotees as a water buffalo, a striking African woman amid fire or tornado, or as a face in the middle of a wind or lightening storm. She speaks through thunder, howling winds, and the sea crashing on shores. To say She is the winds of change would not be an understatement. Oya appears in times of intense transition, life altering events, and is both terrifying and comforting to those who love Her. Oya lessons are those of balance as all change must happen through a natural cycle of creation and destruction. Balance does not occur without some measure of chaos and this is what She teaches. Her roles as a protectress of the dead, cemeteries, and all sacred places of the dead is yet another arm in the role of transition as life, death, and rebirth are intense transitions both for the living and those passed over.

Seek Oya during periods of personal crisis, as a guide through storms, and life changes. Her role as storm bringer teaches that in order for life to continue there must be this cycle of creation, chaos, and destruction. She also teaches that all things are transitory and even the most intense situations will pass.

Apple magick

You really can't think about the Autumn months without the scents of apple pie, pork roast and apple, meat pies, lovely apple and cinnamon candles coming to mind. It instantly evokes a feeling of nostalgia, warm blankets, crackling fires, County fairs, and Mom's warm apple cider. Just the sight of a fresh ripe apple in the farmer's market makes my heart skip a beat! This is without a doubt the start of the holiday season. For Pagans it is the last of three Harvest seasons (Lughnasadh, Mabon,Samhain), each representing a different aspect of both physical and spiritual harvests. These three celebrate the bounty of hard work, of things coming to fruition, and our energies winding down with the cycles of Mother Earth to rest until the next planting season.

But most importantly they celebrate the bonds of family from birth to death and rebirth. Lughnasadh, Mabon, and Samhain all celebrate the people in our lives that have passed on into the Summerlands. While the Harvest begins at Lughnasadh in gathering early Summer fruits but also begins the second planting season for Autumn. The celebration of these days are marked with fruits, vegetables, family gatherings, and remembering family waiting on the other side. In fact, Samhain was often called the Feast of Apples.

The apple, next to the pumpkin and turnip, is the most recognizable as a symbol of the season. It is also sacred to many deities across the world, especially those dealing with love, sex, marriage, and death. Apples belong to the element of Water and many of the deities associated are gods of passion, emotion, and the ebb and flow of life.

It's said that Zeus gave his wife Hera a tree that grew golden apples for a wedding gift. Hera, being the goddess of marriage, gave these apples as gifts to the gods and sometimes mortals as blessings on their unions. The Atalanta is said to have been distracted by three golden apples thrown down in a race with her suitor, who received the apples from Hera. The Trojan War is said to have been indirectly started by a golden apple of discord presented to Paris by the goddess Aphrodite. Hercules retrieved the golden apples of immortality in a quest for the Golden Fleece.

In Scandinavia the apples of perpetual youth were protected by Indunn in Asgard. These apples were said to keep whomever ate one young forever. Gna, the messenger of Frigga, gave an apple to King Rerir who shared it with his wife who then bore him a child. Frey sent 11 golden apples to Gerda as a marriage gift. The goddess Freya is said to have an orchard of apples with magickal powers. At Yule she brings bags of apples to children.

Apples are also associated with the Blue Hag of Winter, the Cailleach Bhera, Cerridwen, Babd, the MorRhiaghan, Morgan Le Fey, Vivienne, Diana, Eve, Lilith, Athena, Flora, Pomona, Venus, Apollo, Aillin, Zeus, Dionysis, Olwen, and Chango. The goddess Pomona, a wood nymph of whom pommes (the name for flowering fruits) is derived. In fact the Feast of Pomona is held between November 01 and November 03.

Apples are used as offerings, wards, divination tools, blessings, in dream magick, for prophesy, in the crafting of tools, statuary, runes, charms, and as spell components. Fertility and love spells incorporate the apple and peeling an apple in one strip is said to have the initial of the first name of your future spouse. Slicing an apple in half reveals a pentagram that may be used as a ward or to bless tools. Apple branches make excellent wands and runes. Apples sliced in half or in thin slices and strung as a garland protect against negative energies and baneful spirits and invite love, prosperity, and health into the home. Potions made with apple bring love and health. Poppets made with apples may be used to draw love into your life.

In divination apple blossoms signify temptation, better things to come, a new chance. Runes carved into apple branches to make the Ogham tie strongly with relationship readings, may be used for love charms and protection and health charms for the family and home. Quert, also spelled Ciert, signifies the necessity of choice on the physical plane. On a mental level it shows many doors open for greater knowledge and self discipline. Spiritually this stave shows a need to choose a path and complete it before moving into another part of your journey. Peeling an apple in one strip is said to reveal the first initial of your future spouse while dreaming of apples signifies. Dreaming of apples signifies prosperity, health, and impending love. If you are already married it could signify temptation or a renewal of your current love. Bobbing for apples or twirling a rope with apples were both ways to predict impending marital status and bliss.

Apple blossoms may be used in fertility, prosperity, temptation, and divination spells or as an incense for love or divination during readings. Fruit may be used as offerings, incorporated into the Mute Dinner, and as parts of charms. Apples are also known as the food for the dead and many tales of the Underworld and Summerland. Pomegranates (a kissing cousin of apples), is associated with the goddess Persephone/Proserpina. The fruit is said to soothe their souls and keep them in the Underworld while they await their loved ones. In Celtic lore, Fae were said to offer apples to humans so they would remain in the Otherworld. The greatest of all realms, the Isle of Avalon where magick is said to originate and the Druids were said to train Priestesses and Priests of the Goddess and Her Consort, is also referred to as the Isle of Apples. The root for Avalon is Afallon, which has its root in the Welsh word for apple.

Apples are not only used for magick and divination but also have many positive health benefits as well. Green apples are known to relieve migraines and red apples eaten grated is known to relieve diarrhea. Eaten whole, tangier apples can ease constipation, and apple wine has many mystical as well as healing properties. Apple cider vinegar is a well known for its anti-bacterial properties and during the Plague walls and floors were often washed down with it to prevent other outbreaks. From a magickal perspective, washing the doors, windows, porches, walls and floors are said to keep evil spirits and baneful magicks from entering the home. Apples are very good for detoxing the body, liver, brain, and joint health as well as for treating gout, rheumatism, high blood pressure, and migraine headaches. Some say even the scent of a green apple begins to soothe their pounding head. Apples with honey was used to treat heart ailments in the old days and warmed apples soothe a sore throat and increase the appetite in people who are ill. An application of apples sliced and chilled directly to the skin is said to heal skin inflammations and inflammations of the throat.

Crab apples are a member of the apple family but unlike larger species, they can be extremely tart. They represent the Maiden at Beltane and the Crone at Samhain. Crab apples grow in clusters and are about the size of a quarter to a half dollar. These wee apples are usually grown for the honey that can be cultivated from the blossoms, but they are also stewed for a garnish (much the way cranberries are) and made into jellies and jams. Making a ring of crab apples with your intended love's name carved into them is said to draw the person to you. The apples are then buried after the fact.

Crystal grids

Crystal grids are all the rage in the metaphysical and natural sciences world. Scientists are beginning to explore these simple crystal patterns as a means of healing and exploring the Earth's natural energy grids. Crystal grids are part applied science and part intuition. They work with the Law of Attraction and the natural ley lines in the Earth. Ley lines are bands of geomagnetic energy that stretch across the globe usually beginning and ending in a mountain or hill source. Where you find ley lines you will usually also find a location of water. The Earth is naturally embraced within a magnetic field. This magnetic field can be used as a guideline for planting strong crops, finding healthy water, Archeoastronomy, and geosciences. The ancient civilizations of the Mayans, Incans, Aborigines, Celts, Sumerian, Babylonian, and Chinese, knew of these ancient lines of energy and used them to construct sacred spaces, to conduct rites of worship, for healing, and energy work.

The Law of Attraction states simply that your thoughts translate as energy. That energy is released through intentions. Speaking or sending positive thoughts yields positive results. Speaking or sending negative thoughts yields positive results. This is a mixture of perception and belief. If you believe your life is negative it is. By keeping your thoughts positive you emit positive energy, as your thoughts and perceptions are nothing more than energy. The energy is reflected in the vibration of the energy field around your body. In terms of science, the Laws of Thermodynamics may be applied, which states simply that energy can neither be created nor destroyed but it may change form and it may be transferred from one thing to another. In this respect the energy you create with the Law of Attraction (using thoughts and perception as forms of energy) may be transferred to the crystals using the First Law of Thermodynamics. When you charge your stones this is what you are using.

By using natural laws of energy and using sacred geometry, you can create a simple, beautiful, and powerful crystal grid to attract abundance, healing, love, and tranquility into your life. Sacred geometry applies within the shapes used for constructing pieces of spiritual art, buildings, shrines, temples, churches, and so forth. This is a very ancient form of mystical science which gives the vibration of a form a number, the number of which is applied to a specific spiritual attribute. Ideally the form should connect and be made of equal parts of the same number. Using crystals with a specific vibration is also important as this determines the frequency that your grid will emit. With the aforementioned science in mind, use this as a determining factor for your crystals:

* All things are energy in one form or another. The crystal you are holding is created from the same exact energy that also created you. All energy is derived from a central source, however or whatever you determine that source to be. Therefore you and the crystal already have an energetic connection.

* The same energy that connected you and the rock is also the same energy that connected other people, things, and creatures in the world. You are already a part of their lives by collective consciousness, and also a part of the stone. Creating and sending energy through an extensive length is space is positive through this collective connection.

* Crystals have their own energy. The numerical values of their name is not their frequency. Their vibrational frequency (harmonics) is measured by the density of the crystal which is reflected within the color, structure, and weight of the stone. Note the weight difference and intensity of color in a piece of tumbled clear quartz, rose quartz, fancy jasper, and hematite. Structural differences may add to the energetic qualities of the crystal and function, but doesn't really affect the actual harmonics of the crystal that much.

You can use pre-set crystal grid kits or you can create them yourself. You may also use as a center stone a crystal generator, points, balls, pyramids, or merkaba. These are all used to collect, cleanse, and magnify the energy used with the grid. Use what you are drawn to, what you like, and what connects with your purpose. Excellent general use stones include clear quartz, selenite, jaspers, amethyst, aegerine, agates, moonstone, and river stone.

Smudging 101

Smudging is a common spiritual practice for many religions around the world. Smudging is a simple act of prayer, blessing, and healing in which a bundle of herbs, resins, or incenses are used to consecrate a space and those within it as being energetically cleansed and spiritually charged. Herbs such as white sage, sweetgrass, cedar, tobacco, and mugwort are some of the more common herbs used to purify and bless a space.

Herbs are chosen for specific reasons or for personal preferences. I prefer mugwort, lavender, and sweetgrass because I do a lot of readings and other like activities for my shop and need the psychic kick. The sweetgrass takes the bite out of the mugwort, sweetens the energy in the home, and lavender relaxes and soothes the nerves on busy days. My circle uses a mixture of Stargate smudge...rosemary, white sage, wild mountain sage, rosemary, and sweetgrass.. for blessings, healing, and rejuvenation between circles. The most common smudge is white sage.

When you begin to work with smudges, you will likely begin with white sage either loose or in bundles. Choose sage that has a fresh scent and is dried but still pliable. Mountain sage is a bit thinner in leaf and branch and has a softer scent. In addition to mixing other herbs with white sage or mountain sage, flowers may also be mixed with it to soften the scent. Flowers that work well with sage include orange blossom, rose, apple blossom, azalea, lavender, heather, and rosemary flowers.

Traditional smudges are crafted in two ways. They are either loose and burned in a shell, brass container, or bowl or they are bound together in stick form and used with a shell or a bowl. Whether you choose a beautiful abalone shell, a clay bowl, or brass smudge pot, they should all be safe to use with burning herbs. Traditionally a fan is used to move the smoke from the herbs around the room. Some use a special fan crafted with beautiful feathers, leather, beads, and shells or a single feather dressed with beads, or plain. Other types of fans are crafted with braided grasses, strips of palms, or simply the hand of the one performing the smudging.

Two of the most common questions I receive are how do I know when I need to smudge and how do I smudge my home? When the energy in your home begins to feel heavy and it begins to affect you, it is time to smudge. A general guideline would include the following:

If you have recently moved into a new space.
If you have recently acquired a room mate or extended guests.
If you have a new pet.
If you have recently renovated your home or office.
If you have recently been through a life changing event such as divorce, marriage, adoption, birth, death, career change, or illness.
If you are retiring, switching from out of home work to home based work, or have recently become unemployed.
Energy shifts through personal or Earth based shifting.
If you have an illness in the home that is not respiratory based.
If you have chosen a new or different path.
If you have spiritual activity in the home or heightened psychic awareness.
If your home feels “heavy” or you have trouble focusing.
If you have a high stress job or have a high stress commute.

Traditionally women performed the smudging ceremony in both Celtic and Native American cultures. The only exception was when a woman is on her moon time. This is not a punishment, rather it is the train of thought that a woman is already undergoing a purification so the smudge is best used for those who are not. In some Celtic traditions women on their moon time are considered to be at the peak of their power. Other exceptions include women who are pregnant or who are ill with respiratory ailments.

Before smudging any space, including yourself, place all of your smudging items in your sacred space or in the center of your circle. Taking a white candle, say a prayer or blessing over the candle and light it. Pass each item through the smoke of the candle blessing each one. Your smudge and all of your tools are not ready to use.

To smudge the body, begin at the crown chakra and move around the body being careful not to singe the hair or clothing. All chakra points should be smudged including the 0 chakra found between the arches of the feet. You may also begin with the soles of the feet and move upward around the body beginning on the right side and moving around. Either way is correct.

When smudging a space, light your candle with intention and focus. When all items have been passed through the candle smoke and properly charged, light the end of the smudge stick or loose smudge. Beginning from the front door and moving clockwise around your home carry the smudge of your choice into each room. Beginning with a clockwise direction in each room, fan the smoke into every corner, crevice, under furniture, in closets, everywhere negative energy could hide. As you leave the room, open the window and smudge the inside of the window as well. Leave the window open and close the door on the way out. Continue in every room and closet of the home in this way until you once again reach the front door. Be sure to also smudge the entry way, front porch, garage, or patio. If you spend a lot of time in your car, smudge it as well.

When you are done, extinguish your smudge in a bit of sand and either bury it if there is nothing left, or carefully pack it away once it has cooled and no longer smoldering for your next smudging session. You should smudge whenever you feel the energy in your home shift. If it becomes heavy it is time to smudge. It should be done at least once a month to clear out any negative energy we bring into the home with us and especially after any type of illness.

Smudging is a wonderful and simple way to turn ordinary events such as Spring cleaning or welcoming a new month into a sacred event to be cherished.

Distance divination

Savannah has a little bit of every thing and that includes its share of tarot and palm readers. When most people consider a reading they look for the big signs and the flashing lights, sometimes even the costumes, but most consider it to be a form of entertainment or fortune telling.

Fortune telling and actual divination are two very different things. Fortune telling is done for entertainment purposes. It's not really supposed to be taken seriously and has been made famous by classic black white movies such as White Zombie or any number of others. In the movies all of the fortune tellers are gypsy women, usually dressed in flowing skirts, lots of jewelry, large earrings, scarves around the hair, and theatrical grade make up. There is almost always a crystal ball and always tons of scarves.

While I do sometimes wear the big skirts and big earrings, I don't subscribe to fortune telling. I practice the art of divination. Divination is different in that fortune telling is one part working knowledge of the cards and three parts reading body language. Divination is actually tapping into the universe to relay information that may be needed to the people that need it. Divination doesn't necessarily give you future events. It could be used to expand on current situations and offer advice and options to make things better in your life. It is not necessarily written in stone and because each person has thousands of options for every choice the readings may give insight to one possible realty, usually the one that is the most accessible at this point in their life cycle. Although tarot is the most commonly recognized form of divination, it may also be done using dominoes, tea leaves, feathers, runes, Dragon runes, dice, Ogham sticks or flats, coffee grounds, fresh chitterlings (as in right out of the pig fresh), channeling, crystals, bones, clouds, playing cards, or the flight, number, and species of birds.

When most consider tarot readings, they consider the very old large form of decks but they've come a long way and can now be purchased in every theme, shape, size, culture, and tradition. There are even erotic decks that are somewhat naughty. Readings are not only done with tarot. Oracle card have become very popular over the last few years. Oracle cards work a bit differently than tarot. Tarot decks have specific formulas of design, are divided into two specific groups, the lesser of that group also divided into suits or courts, each one representing an element. Oracle cards tend to be more ornate and usually have neither a set number nor a special set of suits. They are not divided into different groups but may be very specific in theme or have a varied theme. Oracle cards are used to tap into very specific archetypes to allow the user a focal point to tap into and connect with collective consciousness and receive the messages needed for that person. So whereas with the tarot you may get an answer to a specific question, with the oracle you will only get what you absolutely need to know. Neither guarantee a pretty message. If you ever want to know whether someone is a fortune teller or an oracle, ask them to do a reading for you. Most of the time a reading will have both positive and negative messages. They are very rarely overwhelmingly positive. An oracle will translate all possible meanings of the card to give you all possible angles and solutions. A fortune teller will only give you one side.

Most people are initially taught the person receiving the reading must be present, they have to have contact with the cards or other such method, and they have to at best give you an idea of why they are receiving the reading. The one thing experience has taught me is humanity can not put the universe in a box, assign it rules, and expect it to obey. It simply does not work that way. Keep in mind the Oracles of Delphi would relay messages for people who were not present nor allowed to be. This was a woman's trade and men were not allowed to be present during the receiving of the information. Eventually Oracles fell under the rule of Rome and were more politically motivated than spiritually. Eventually women Oracles were rarely heard of and men took their place.

If the person doesn't have to be there how is there a connection? How do the messages come through? How do you know they are for that specific person? There is a connection because we are all connected by Spirit. When someone has an in person reading appointment with me they are not allowed to shuffled my cards unless they ask. I may allow them or I may not. The cards are my tool. They are like my cauldron, besom, or chalice. If I wouldn't allow someone to handle them there is no reason why anyone should be allowed to also handle my cards. Once I connect with a deck I smudge it, consecrate it, and add a bit of ground selenite to the bag to keep it charged and cleansed. It's not necessary for someone to place their energy on cards that already have my energy on them. The connection needed for readings is truthfully between the oracle and the cards, not between the cards and the questioner. Contradictory readings occur when two sets of energies clash; the energy of the oracle and the energy of the person receiving the reading. So for this reason, I prefer no physical contact between the cards and anyone else.

The cards are a tool, just like a wand, a cauldron, or a besom. They are personal and should appeal to you on a tingling higher level that connects with some part of your consciousness. They may be traditional or non-traditional, very detailed or very plain. When I choose a deck it is usually the deck that actually chooses me. I feel an instant connection to it and an excitement to start using them immediately. The images on the cards are created to draw you in and open your awareness and consciousness.

Each person is connected to the next on a spiritual level and each person has a signature energy or vibration that can be followed to the higher self. This makes these readings virtually impossible to be for the wrong person. You don't need to be in the same room with them because their vibration is a part of their spirit and you are connected to that spirit also. Once the line of communication has been open, I start dialing the number so to speak. I'm not necessarily trying to get information from the other person, I am trying to connect with the higher self of that person to channel messages for that person. Once the connection has been made the messages start flowing through. The cards come into play in that the images connect with this higher consciousness. Most higher beings do not communicate the way we do. They don't use language as we know it. They use images, music, vibration, omens, and symbolism to communicate with us. When you choose your cards it is very akin to choosing a favorite song. It has the vibration that responds to your vibration. Your vibration is what allows you to connect. Once this connection is made and the information begins to flow it will continue to flow until the message has been received and translated. There have been occasions when after doing a long reading, I have added two other cards which fleshed out the rest of the message for the receiver.

It helps of the oracle is naturally empathic and has the ability to openly receive messages from the Aether, but I have also found the use of sacred geometry to create layouts to be an invaluable tool. Layouts such as the Pyramid, the Cauldron, Tree of Life, Triquetra, Pentagram, and Fairy Ring, tend to work best with distance readings. However, if you are comfortable with the Celtic Cross there is no reason why it can not be used also. Use what is comfortable to you and what meshes with your energy. Readings may go from 3 cards to as many as 24 and can take between a few minutes to as long as 2 hours to complete. They are a bit more energy intense than the more traditional forms, so be sure to avoid caffeine and opt for a fruit or veggie tray and cold water between readings. Use your friends as guinea pigs and start with small card layouts and move to the larger one as your abilities grow.

Namaste~

What's Paganism all about?

There is a buzz in the air. It seems Wiccans and Wiccan holidays are on everyone's lips. Everyone at Fox Newsthat is. It seems there is a wee bit of confusion about what Wiccans are, what we do, and what holidays we hold sacred, most importantly about whether or not we should have the same rights to set keep them in our daily lives as members of say Jewish or Christian groups.

Every weekend I am privileged to have the opportunity to be able to speak with individuals that have questions about items in my shop. The books, altar cloths hanging like prayer flags with pentacles, triquetras, OMs, and triple moons, crystals and like objects tend to draw attention and arouse curiosity. Like most in the Pagan path, proselytizing is not a part of my faith but I will take the time to share information when someone asks. There have been more than one relieved parent leave my shop and more than one leave angry that they did not get the results they were hoping for.

The biggest buzz seems to be what exactly do Pagans and Wiccans believe, what are our holy days, and why they should be recognized. Of course there is also the connection to witchcraft that has everyone's curiosity piqued.

Simply put Wicca is a reconstructionist religion based on ancient pre-Christian theology. Paganism is an umbrella classification for groups of religions that identify with or are an original part of, any religion that pre-dates Christianity. The word Pagan derives from the Latin root, "paganus" or country dweller that associates Paganism with location rather than actual beliefs. In short, Paganism was never considered a single belief structure, it simply reflected the beliefs found in areas in which pre-Christian beliefs were commonly practiced. Those beliefs were central to the given locations. For instance, Druidry in Ireland and the UK, Hinduism in India and so forth. Despite popular belief, these religions never really died out. In fact, quite the opposite. Many of our ancestors passed their religion by teaching, not by written word. In fact, many of them believed that by putting beliefs in writing they would somehow be contaminated by the physical world but if they were passed by word of mouth and practice they would become a part of the soul and thrive. They have survived through two millennium of persecution, and what we have now is as close as we can get to the original paths.

Paganism, as being a part of the natural world, reveres nature. Nature is in fact an integral part of the Pagan life. Our lives are governed by the natural ebbs and flows of energies in the natural world. For instance, in Winter some animals hibernate, trees and shrubs go dormant, and the weather encourages us to move inward. The natural cycle is to do just that. When Spring comes around, we often feel it weeks in advance. The urge to plant, clean, get outside and moving are all a part of our natural cycles. Pagans honor those cycles of life and their connection with Nature. Nature itself is a divine thing and the cycles of life and death are celebrated as well as everyday occurrences. We may believe in one Goddess or hundreds and while some may only honor the Divine Feminine, others honor both Goddess and god as being equal co-creators of our world and everything in it. Therefore, by that train of thought, all things are an extension of the Divine and so are we. Our holy days are set aside to honor those Divine influences as well as the natural cycles of life and Nature itself.

Paganism is divided into several groups. These groups are not representative of any general Neo-Pagan or Pagan belief structure. They are simply for understanding the diversity within this community.

Paleo-paganism: A Pagan culture that has not been affected by modern civilization or another theology or culture. Many pre-patriarchial cultures of Europe, Africa, pre-Columbia paths would be considered under this grouping.

Civilo-paganism: Religions that fall under this category would be considered Greek, Roman, Egyptian, or Middle Eastern based, pre-Christian. These paths fell into civilized life, education, and so forth and were therefore affected and changed by it.

Meso-paganism: Paths that fall into this category are those that may be considered a completely separate culture but which have been influenced by a conquering culture. They may be able to maintain some religious practice and freedom through remaining separate. Aboriginal paths may fall into this grouping.

Syncreto-paganism: This particular group has had to hide within a larger more oppressive group and in doing so have incorporated one path into the other, for instance Santeria, Voudoun, or Hoodoo paths.

Neopaganism: This final is probably the most common as it is the attempt of humanity to re-connect with Nature and simple divinity using images and information of pre-Christian theology but adapting them to modern life.

Among the most prolific of the latter is Wicca, with Heathenism, Asatru, Druidry, and Witta following closely behind. Modern Wicca is generally heralded as the magickal child of Gerald Gardner, roughly between 1946 and his first published work in 1954. While it is possible he may have been influenced by Aleister Crowley in terms of ritual format, his influence is claimed to have stemmed from matriarchial practice of a Ms. Dorothy Clutterbuck. Given the time frame, it is also very likely he was influenced by the writings of Charles Godfrey Leland ( Aradia: Gospel of the Witches, published 1899, http://www.sacred-texts.com/pag/aradia/). Other authors such as Raymond Buckland, Margaret Murray, Z Pudapest, and countless others have also contributed to various paths of Wicca throughout the decades.

While Wicca is considered a Pagan religion, it lacks the constrictions of most modern theologies. For instance, there are no extensive laws or manifests to remember. The one law, An it harm none, do as thou wilt, covers every area in which someone could possibly do harm to another person and places sole responsibility upon the individual rather than an archetype. Wiccans do not believe in Satan or any aspect thereof. There is no need for this particular creation since our responsibility is individualistic and we alone carry the weight of our actions. Some believe that weight is carried out threefold, ninefold, or that the measure of damage is returned in accordance to the amount of damage the initial action has caused others. The general purpose is to walk our paths without negatively impacting the lives of others. The biggest separation is the lack of conversion or proselytizing. Our paths do not encourage or demand that we do this and so it isn't a part of our paths. A big part of this is the belief that each person must walk their own path and glean what they can from the experience. By trying to pull someone away from their path is to interfere with the path they may be on. While many believe in some form of afterlife, whether it is the Summerlands or reincarnation, Hell is not a part of our theology. That is a Christian concept.

Pagan holy days consists of eight holy days: Samhain (October 31), Yule/Winter Solstice (Dec 21), Imbolc (February 02), Ostara (March 20), Beltane (May 01), Litha (June 21), Lughnassadh (August 01), Mabon (Sept 22), and back to Samhain in October. The complete cycle is referred to as the Wheel of the Year with each holy day being symbolized by a spoke in the wheel. Each holiday is a celebration of both natural life and divine life in terms of cycles. Festivals were based around the planting and harvesting cycles, the cycles of fertility (Ostara and Beltane) of birth (Lughnassadh, Mabon,) death (Samhain) and rebirth (Yule, Oimelc), and the lives of the gods and goddesses we honor.

One of biggest controversial factors is the connection between Wicca and Paganism and witchcraft. I would like to clarify that witchcraft is not a religion. It is a practice. It incorporates mysticism, natural laws, physics, metaphysics, and a healthy dose of common sense and appreciation for the aforementioned personal accountability. To further clarify the act of magick, when one prays one moves to a place where they feel comfortable, sometimes a place set aside for prayer. A prayer closet if you will, a space in the garden, bedroom, kitchen, church, a place of comfort. The act of prayer places you in a state of spiritual awareness in which you petition your deity, commune with it by sharing and offering thanks, and finally by closing the prayer and leaving the space with the faith that your prayers have been heard and answered.

When someone engages in the act of magick, he or she enters a space they feel is sacred, such as a prayer closet, an altar, the garden, the beach, a space in which he or she feels comfortable He or she is then in a state of spiritual awareness in which he or she may petition their deity, commune by sharing and offering thanks, and finally by closing with an offering (usually herbs or flowers), and leaving the space with the faith that his or her prayers have been heard and answered.

There is simply no difference between one and the other. They are the same.

While Wiccans and Pagans may pray and meditate with their gods, not all Wiccans and Pagans practice the art of witchcraft. Witchcraft is simply a mixture of divine petition, knowledge of the natural world, and incorporation of various sciences. For some, it is not a moral issue it is simply a desire to honor their gods simply and without the complications. Both are completely correct but not synonymous. Recently Fox News attempted to utilize this misconception as an attempt to somehow discredit Wiccans and Pagans and bring condemnation on University of Missouri for their inclusion of Wiccan and Pagan holidays alongside Christian, Jewish, Muslim and a host of other inclusions.

As Wiccans and Pagans we have the right to organize. We have the right to worship. We have the right to keep our holy days. We have the right to raise our children in our paths. We have the right to live our lives unencumbered from government agency. These rights are guaranteed under the Constitution. Wicca is a peaceful, life affirming path that honors all people, all paths, and seeks only for the spiritual growth of the individual. In short, we have the same rights as everyone else that practices a spiritual path.

For that reason, I am grateful that Fox News has offered America the opportunity to take this opportunity to grow and expand their awareness and acceptance of other beliefs and paths. If nothing else, it gives us a wonderful example of what not to aspire to.

Here is a piece written for Concordia University about a multifaith gathering that shared beliefs, food, and other treasures from their many diverse paths. Proving once again, that diversity and acceptance is the path to peace and a healthier world.

http://www.concordia.ca/now/campus-beat/blog/20111220/a-holiday-smorgasb...

Lupercalia and Lent

Valentine's Day is fast upon us, before long before the mythical Saint Valentine delivered notes to forbidden lovers, February 13 and 14th were celebrated in a very different manner. Yes those adorable stuffed wolves with sparkling pink hearts may not have much meaning for some, but for lovers of the Old Ways it has a very deep meaning indeed. Valentine's Day was not always about fluff, nougat, and naughty undies, although I'm sure at some point those things probably did come into play. Once upon a time it was celebrated as a rite of cleansing, flagellation, and purity. Yes I said flagellation. Certainly makes you look at the tiny toy cat'o'nine tails a bit differently doesn't it?

Before the contest to see who could snag the biggest, tackiest stuffed wolf on the market, real wolves were celebrated in the forests and glens of ancient Greece and Rome. Although Lupercalia is mainly a Greco-Roman holiday, other cultures celebrated the wolf also. Of all of the Pagan festivals, at least in Rome, Lupercalia is the record holder for the longest running. Dating from before the founding of ancient Rome until around 753 B.C.E, Lupercalia began the celebration of the Ides of March, occurring roughly a full month before the official festival of Mars began. The reason the timing is so important is the twin boys Romulus and Remus, were the twin sons of the god Mars. As with many of the festivals of the gods in Roman culture, one very often led into the next. According to legend, Rhea grew afraid for the safety of her sons, so to protect them she placed them in a basket and set them adrift on the river knowing someone would find them and take care of them.

Someone did, a she-wolf named Lupa. Lupa cared for the twin boys as if they were her own, nursing them and raising them until a shepherd and his wife found the boys and raised them as their own. When the boys reached adulthood, they decided not to follow in their foster-father's footsteps but instead they chose to become kings in their own right and build kingdoms of their own. They decided to build on the shores of the River Tiber, however both wanted to be king. In a fit of rage, Romulus struck his brother in the head with a rock and killed him, thus going on to build one of the greatest cities the world has ever seen. Thus the founding of Rome.

Remember I said this was also a Greek holiday and the Greeks and Romans were notorious for sharing gods, holidays, and giving them different names and slightly adjusting their roles and traditions as their society demanded. Arcadia is said to be the home of the Greek god Pan. Pan was also very well loved among the Romans also. Not only because he protected their herds and insured fertility with livestock and such, he also was a bit of a randy god. Pan was a great wild lover of music, maids, and merriment and all wild things were his companions. This festival in particular honored an aspect of Pan known as the Lycaean Pan. You may recognize this as the root for the very popular term Lycan or Lycanthrope. While the root word of Lycan refers to wolves, Lycanthropy is a very rare mental illness in which a person believes they will physically become a wolf. It is not necessarily akin to the shapeshifting variety here.

Pan was very well loved particularly among a portion of mountain dwelling Greeks who were said to be able to transform from human to wolves at will. They were so disliked hunters would scourge the statues and grottoes of the god whenever they came near it. Pan's places of worship weren't fancy temples, although a large one still stands, and in the mountains random locations throughout the woods would have his likenesses. The king of this portion of Greece, was named Lycoan who created the cult of Zeus. Legend has it that Zeus opted to pay the wild city a visit disguised as a peasant. Lycoan, unable to recognize the god, served him the entrails of the child of one of his 50 sons roasted with the meat of a goat. For this the god killed most of his sons with a single bolt of lightening and Lycoan was transformed into a wolf, as were any surviving sons. There are a few other legends along the same vein, but they generally revolve around gross disrespect of the god of which Lycoan claimed to honor.

Now here is where things begin to get naughty.

Lupa is also a slang term for prostitute in ancient Rome. It's said there was a very wealthy prostitute in Rome named Acca Larentia, whom her patrons referred to as "she-wolf". I suppose that could have all sorts of wicked connotations, but the nickname of Lupa stuck. In fact, she was so well loved the festival of Larentalia (December 23rd) was established in her honor. Her worship may go back even further as she is also connected with Lares, a set of home guardians or gods that watches over the deceased. She was also known among the Sabines as Larunda. IN some legend she is connected to a triplicity of prophetic goddesses known as the Camanae; Muta (silence), Tacita (the secret) and Lara (protection). In this reference we see Lupa as more than a mere wolf, she is the mother of Rome, a triple goddess that reigns over fertility (as courtesan), harvests (as Lupa protecting the flocks of shepherds), and as the underworld goddess and protectress of the dead and of prophesy.

Other festivities to celebrate courtesans continued well into the 1600s in Rome and Venice as the Floralia, or the Festival of Flowers, a very polite term for courtesans and the Roman goddess of Spring, Flora. So Lupercalia is just the middle festival between Saturnalia in December, Larentalia, and Floralia.

The actual ceremonies of Lupercalia were performed by the Luperci and were done in pairs. These ceremonies were presided over by two groups, or gentes, the Fabii (on behalf of Remus) and the Quinctillii (on behalf of Romulus). Two of the more famous leaders of each branch are Marc Anthony and Julius Caesar, who founded the Jullii. The ceremony was broken down into two locations. The first was the actual spot where Lupa first found the twins and nursed them back to health. The Lupercal, or the celebration of the wolf, opens with a sacrifice of a dog and a goat. The blood from said sacrifice was then smeared on the foreheads of young men. They would then dress themselves in goat skin from the sacrificed animal and dance around the Palatine, or the path leading from the first point of ceremony to the next point of ceremony where the feasting and debauchery would begin.

On the way to the feasting, strips of goat skin would be used for flagellation, and anyone slow enough to not run ahead of these blood smeared young men would get a hardy smack with the strips of hyde. Normally those running ahead of these men were young women. At some point, a frenzy would develop through this ecstatic worship and these women would bare their backs for flagellation with the skins. It was thought that if the goat skin penetrated the skin, the fertility of the women was guaranteed. Once at the actual feast, participants worked into a frenzy would devour the food like wild animals, thus celebrating their inner wolf. This is likely where the term, whipping into a frenzy, derived.

By the early years of the Christian Church, the ceremony had greatly calmed down. Lupercalia had completely lost its ecstatic flavor and in place was a rather banal blend of fully clothed penitence rituals rather than rites to honor fertility. In place of nubile naked men and women, a solemn rite of sacrifice was instilled. In place of the animal sacrifice to insure fertility and honor the old gods, the new god required a flagellation of hands and in some cases self flagellation in accordance to their confessed sins.

The Spring festivals themselves continued throughout the Rennaisance and even into today all over the world, but especially so in Europe. The actual festival is kicked off a day or two prior to Lupercalia, however the meaning is the same. In Anglo-Saxon the word for Spring festivals is Lenctene, which means flowering. During these festivals, which begin roughly around February 01/02 (Oimelc, Imbolc, Imbolg, Candlemas) and continue throughout the fertile season, cakes are created and eaten, rites of cleansing are observed (Spring cleaning, smudging), gardens are planned and many are started at this time. Cleansing is not merely a physical thing. It is also a spiritual thing as well. These rites of cleansing held during Lupercalia, because the scourging and whipping were also considered a way to remove or shake free any negative energy that prevented fertility or reservations of ecstatic worship, were considered a wild form of purification that translated into the whipping of hands in the early years of the Christian Church. This period has taken another face as well as Lent, or the celebration of flowering and sacrifice. Although the Christian celebration marks the 40 days of sacrifice by Jesus during his stay in the forest and his period of temptation with Satan, a point of sacrifice is expected in which the observer offers to give up something dear to them (a hobby, food, or habit) in order to build character and become more Christlike in the process. In other words, to resist temptation which becomes all the greater when an every day object has forbidden connotations. Carnival is the modern equivalent of Lupercalia.

Modern celebrants aren't so different. While most of us wouldn't object to being the floggers, most wouldn't hop to be the floggees. However, very few of us can object to the desire to cleanse and purify ourselves and our space, whether it is to get into a bikini by Summer or whether it is to improve our lives. Although the details are a bit more subtle, the dance of ecstasy as warmer weather creeps into Savannah nights can be felt by everyone here. Get outside, dance in the rain, have a bbq, and howl at the moon.

Co-dependency in the coven

“A no uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a yes merely uttered to please, or what is worse to avoid trouble…” - Mahatma Gandhi

“When the codependent is drowning, someone else’s life flashes before their eyes.” - Author unknown

Codependency is a big and often overlooked issue in the Pagan and Wiccan community merely because we have a tendency towards cultivating empathy and compassion. Since this term has become a catch all phrase to include chaos feeders, psychic vampires, and drama queens I wanted to write an article to shed some light on exactly what this is and why it is so prevalent within our community and what we can do to alleviate it.

First, let me say that as someone who has been in a codependent situation, this is not an easy thing to overcome. It took me many years of counseling and many more years of empowering myself before I would even consider doing any kind of volunteer work with victims of domestic and sexual abuse. Many women who are in violently abusive relationships suffer from codependency which is why it is so difficult to leave their abuser.

Within our spiritual circles, we should feel safe and comfortable. First and foremost we should feel welcomed and our circles should be a place of serenity and solace. Many of us are empathic, meaning we are easily affected by the energy and emotions of others. Empaths are especially vulnerable to being the victim of co-dependent participants. Even those who would not really consider ourselves empathic are at best sensitive to energy and the energies of others. Our community is one that welcomes the broken and encourages the love of the Goddess and the bonds of Family to heal broken hearts and spirits. Deciding when to cut a person loose for the good of the coven or when to refuse entry into our circles is as important as the foundation of compassion. Our covens are only as strong as the foundations of our circles. Whether the circle is within an actual physical space or within a natural setting, it is a sacred space. One person can disrupt the flow of energy and do as much damage as many. As open as we are we must have boundaries not only for the health of our covens but also for the health of our community in general. In the eyes of the codependent, no personal issue is ever really personal. It very quickly becomes public and then community with people who are not involved taking sides as the stories get worse and more grandiose.

Eat, drink, dance, make magick and merriment to your heart's content but always be aware that what we bring into our circles will also be sent outward into the community from our circles and if we take in contamination it will leave as contamination. Take care in the alliances that we make today for they will certainly determine our tomorrow.

In a nutshell, codependency is the addiction to relationships and dependency. It is a condition that usually arises from dysfunctional backgrounds, a background lacking in boundaries and responsibilities, and/or a background filled with abusive or addictive situations. It is both the relinquishing of control and the preoccupation of gaining control over other people through manipulation, dishonesty, and creating situations that illicit immediate and long term care. For this reason, it is important that we be able to identify this behavior. Symptoms of Codependency

• Before I can get into the details, I want to go over some basic symptoms. Codependent people are not bad people, they just need help and it is more help than any one person can give them unless they are a psychologist. There is only so much that we as individuals can do to help another person so it is important to know what to look for if you suspect that someone in your circles has a codependency issue.

• The inability to know what normal is. In this community normal could mean any number of things, however to the codependent person normal takes on an entirely different definition. Normalcy has huge variants for us, however most would generally accept that routine violence, emotional, verbal, physical, and sexual abuse are not within our accepted range of normal. These are simply not acceptable behaviors for anyone, unless you are codependent. In this case, someone may view these behaviors as being within the range of ordinary. They have a very twisted outlook on relationships so that they actively seek out people and situations that are not good for them. This affects everyone around them in the long run.

• Inability to complete a project. The inability to finish what they start is reflective of their feelings involving personal responsibility. This will reflect in all facets of their lives including family and work in which they expect that someone else will step in and handle their load for them.

• Inability or difficulty in relaxing and having fun. These people will always find something to complain about when everyone else is having a good time and will often bring their personal issues into an otherwise pleasant conversation or environment as a means of drawing attention to themselves and their misery. If there is not a current situation involved they will create one to keep all eyes on them. The more sympathy they can get, the more attention they receive the more control they will have over the evening.

• Judging self or others harshly. The codependent person will take their misgivings and place them on someone else often creating a cycle of abuse as one person gives the abuse and one receives it. This allows them to throw pity parties indiscriminately, verbally abuse someone else, and displacement of inner turmoil, pent up emotions, and personal responsibility and ownership onto someone else.

• Low self esteem and displacement. People who have low self esteem look for validation from other sources. The codependent person looks for self esteem from another source but then blames the source for their lack of self esteem. In our community this manifests in two ways. It can come across as the woman who is hard as nails on the outside but has many issues and seems lost and vulnerable on the inside. Or, it can come across as the insipid whiner that is constantly lost in a world of their own creation and whines about the situations they have created within that world. They are the constant victims and no part of their life is without some sort of drama. No matter how much you try to help either type, they will find some excuse why it will not work and then blame you for not trying to fix their problems hard enough.

• Difficulty or complete inability to sustain healthy relationships. The codependent person will look for relationships that will feed their need for attention but their addiction to drama and negative reinforcement will force them to abandon relationships once they no longer feed their need. If they are involved with someone who beats them, they may return no matter how many times they are hospitalized, because it feeds their need for negative reinforcement. A relationship that does not feed their desire for chaos is not worthy of their attention and therefore not viable to them. Because of their lack of self esteem they do not feel as if they are entitled to be treated well so they will go through many bad relationships, often starting one as another one is barely cold.

• The belief that others cause or are otherwise responsible for their emotional status. This goes back to the sense of displacement and the feeling of entitlement to place the blame on other people. It is caused by a complete lack of personal responsibility and ownership. It is much easier to blame someone else for feeling depressed than to admit the truth behind the depression.

• Overacting to or the complete inability to adapt to change. This can manifest as paralyzing fear, multiple explanations for not seeking help, panic attacks, or the complete inability to accept change as a natural part of the growth process. In order to change we must realize that something is not working for us so that we can move on to something better. The codependent will hang on to a situation even as it is stagnates their mind, body, and spirit merely because it is familiar and easier than establishing something new. This is why no matter how hard we try to help someone, if they truly do not believe they are on a path of self destruction, nothing that we do will reach them. They must first accept their situation, own it, and then resolve to move forward in a positive manner. As such, even the most minor changes will overwhelm them because it reaches into their psyche’s and pulls out something that they are still clinging to, which is the blanket of familiarity.

• The inability to see an alternative to any situation. In this section I am also going to include the phrase any alternative to any situation that pulls the attention away from them thus causing them to behave erratically and impulsively to any given situation. For instance, a friend takes a trip out of town for several weeks. The codependent room mate goes on an extensive shopping spree as a result, ending in several thousands of dollars in debt but finds a way to blame the first party. Displacement places a huge role in the codependent’s life because they have to have someone else to blame. If the person is around they are to blame, if they are not around they are to blame, when they leave they are still to blame. It’s truly a no win situation. In addition they simply can not see a positive outcome or alternative to any situation and will normally have a trail of excuses a mile long and will go to great lengths to validate those excuses. For instance, a woman that is being abused at home may offer the excuse of being unable to support her even though she is working. When presented with the option of leaving and supporting herself, she will find a way to get fired in order to validate her excuse to stay within the relationship.

• Someone who is constantly seeking outside approval yet remains addicted to low self esteem. This transcends modesty and humility and goes through the entire melodrama of I can’t do anything right, even when they are constantly receiving praise for their work. They will seek it from any outside source; even those that they know are not good for them because they need constant validation as individuals.

• Confusion and sense of inadequacy. Even though they may know how to accomplish a task they will seem confused and at odds with how to go about getting things done. This is not caused by an inability to get something done, but the inability to get something accomplished without drawing attention to self.

• Alternating between being responsible and irresponsible. These go into extremes. Extremes within any given situation are not good for us. Like being responsible to the extent that it becomes an obsession that causes chaos. This can manifest as taking on the responsibilities of other people and then becoming aggravated at having the responsibility. For instance, taking on the responsibility of making sure your roommate gets to and from work on time but being resentful of having to do it. Likewise the total lack of responsibility can manifest as making other people feel obligated to take up our responsibilities ( I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t make it to work, I’ll never be able to make it without X amount of dollars), and so forth.

• Complete lack of personal power or ability to make personal decisions. When we place the choices of our lives in the hands of other people we remove our sense of responsibility and then have someone to totally blame for the situations we find ourselves in. The complete inability to make even the most mundane of decisions speaks to the extent of lack of self esteem and sense of responsibility. There are two people within the codependent relationship: the person that receives blame and the person who places blame.

• Repressed feelings of fear, hurt, shame, degradation, or stunted emotional growth. In many codependent people there is a history of abuse of some sort that warps their sense of interpersonal relationships. Repressing these feelings early in life manifests in the desire to reinforce our validation of self through negative behavior; at some point in their development, the codependent person has learned that if there is some drama going on they receive attention. For many, even negative attention is better than none at all.

• Isolation from people, resentment of authority figures. At times the codependent person may isolate themselves in order to get attention. They may wait and see how many people will contact them to see what’s wrong or develop a phobia of people and social events. As much as the codependent may seem to be able to throw their personal power to the four winds, they are very much in control as their seemingly helpless stature is only posturing for the manipulation that is actually taking place. Someone who is truly in charge is a threat to them and thus target for their hostility. Often it is very difficult to get a codependent person to attend counseling because in doing so they will have to relinquish total control of the situation.

• Hypersensitivity to criticism and the inability to see self truths. Trying to explain to someone that they are behaving in a negative fashion or that they are on a path of self destruction when they are unable to see their own behavior, acknowledge it, or own it is like telling a whale they used to have legs and expecting it to walk on the beach. They will often become belligerent, make many excuses for their behavior, burst into torrents of weeping, and create exaggerated circumstances to avert one’s attention away from their behavior, or blame someone else for it. I wouldn't have behaved like this if such and such had not done that. If you hadn't made me feel that way I wouldn't have responded like this and so forth.

• An addiction to excitement, drama, or chaos. People that are constantly in the midst of people that are always causing issues in the community, surrounded by personal dramas, or swirling in the midst of chaos have a strong desire to always be surrounded by some kind of negative excitement. Many times, they will start the drama then step back and allow other people to continue it and take the blame for their handiwork. The more people they can fire up or tensions they can fuel the better to feed their addictions. This is merely another way of reinforcing negative self image. Seeking pity and emotional responses within the turmoil is a common and recurrent theme with chaos addicts. Codependents rarely have only one victim.

• Abandonment issues and the dependency on others for self validation. It would stand to reason that people that are so dependent on others for their self worth would also have issues with abandonment. Many times any sort of hint of abandonment will send them into irrational behavior, panic attacks, rushed relationships, promiscuity, grazing, self debasing behavior (substance abuse, bingeing, cutting, the return to physically or emotionally abusive situations, starvation, creating situations that obligate someone else to take care of them). On an opposite extreme, the codependent person may avoid serious relationships altogether in order to avoid future abandonment.

• Inability to tell the difference between love and pity. We are all concerned about our loved ones but there is a difference between showing pity and showing love. This type of person perceives the attention received as a result of a pity party as being given out of love and as a result will continually create situations to elicit that response.

• Being drawn to people with victim mentalities. Remember that codependency is about the simultaneous relinquishing of personal control and also the ability to maintain control over others through manipulation. There is no give and take there is only take. A person who seeks other codependent people in which to be in a relationship with will seek out those people who already perceive themselves as being victims. They will also seek out people that have been in abusive situations to help or fix because they are the easiest to control and manipulate.

• The desire for control; the need to always have to be center stage, in complete control of everything, and the need for other people to work their lives around them so that this control is maintained.

• Lies, even over the simplest thing. I’m sorry I’m late. I got stuck at the light and while I was there the lady in the car next to me went into labor and being a being of infinite light I felt compelled to get out of the car and deliver the babe and in the process saved a dog that was crossing the street and rescued a cat from a burning house across the road. You get my drift. For these people telling the truth over something completely trivial is impossible. Every aspect of their lives has to have some element of drama to feed their hunger for self validation.

The desire to live our lives unencumbered by judgmental views and clique mindsets often make it difficult to just say no. It's uncomfortable to not have to tell someone they can no longer come to your circles or be involved in your coven. It is uncomfortable yes, but is it really worth making the rest of the coven uncomfortable also?

Why Boundaries Are Important

“NO!” Say this with me with great emphasis and command…”NO!!” Fun isn’t it? Sometimes it’s really hard to say but it’s necessary for us to have healthy boundaries. In my personal experience as a mother, a wife, a friend, a sister, and coven Mother, I have to know when to say no. The same goes for my spiritual life, my job, my community obligations, everything must have boundaries in order for them to function properly and reduce the amount of chaos in my life. The same is true of anyone’s life. If we take on more than we can process at a given time we become overburdened and other things are knocked out of priority. Everything must have its time and place. The same consideration must be given to coven mates. When you take on the responsibility of creating a coven you also take on the responsibility of keeping it safe, ethical, and healthy for the people attending your circles and for your coven Family.

When we are young and we are maturing, boundaries are especially important. The boundaries of a codependent those that are enforced on others but not on the person themselves. For instance they will put extreme demands on friends for time, affection, emotional, spiritual, and financial support. The word NO is a complete sentence. When dealing with these people it is the most important word you will ever use otherwise they become some a hazard to the other aspects of your life that you don’t have time to do anything else other than take care of their issues.

We have two kinds of boundaries, unhealthy boundaries and healthy boundaries. Any time someone crosses over into an unhealthy boundary there should be a red flag. Signs of unhealthy boundaries include:

• Telling everything about yourself at one time. I mean everything. When you find out more than you ever wanted to know about someone within ten seconds of meeting them this is a definite red flag. They are not willing to take the time to build an intimate relationship, instead they are willing to put everything out there (which can be overwhelming and awkward sometimes) including every extremely intimate detail of their lives.

• Instantly falling in love with someone you just met. Not over a period of days or weeks, or months, but over a period of minutes or hours at best. Within days don’t be surprised if they haven’t moved in with you, a little but at the time of course, made demands about how and with whom you are spending your time, and may even become obsessive. This also includes falling madly in love with anyone that takes the time to listen to them or to aid them in any way.

• Having an obsessive preoccupation with someone that has aided or helped in some way. Many times they will place someone who has helped them on a larger than life pedestal are go through a lot of distress when they realize the feelings are not reciprocated.

• Being sexual for someone else, not for yourself and impulsively sexual. Making lewd or inappropriately timed sexual comments for shock value or attention. Seeking validation often manifests as promiscuity and lack of personal responsibility in regards to sexuality, so does placing the sexual needs and desires of someone else over your own, even if it violates your personal beliefs, preferences, or choice.

• Accepting touch, gifts, or sexual favors that you don’t want. There is a difference between gifting someone once in a while and showering someone with gifts out of the blue. There is also a difference between touch that is intended to be reserved for closer, deeper relationships and the tough of someone you only just met. A person who has created no boundaries or never learned to place those boundaries around their lives have none. They not only allow others to behave in this manner, but they do not hesitate to behave in this manner themselves.

• Taking as much as you can take from a person for the sheer sake of taking. Many times these people will take everything a person has to give until they find someone that will give more.

• Giving as much as they can give for the sake of giving. This is not a bad thing in itself. Giving shows love and that’s a good thing right? Yes of course; until it begins to be not only giving of yourself, but giving YOURSELF period. Eventually the act of giving becomes validating and not truly giving.

• Allowing someone to continually take from you, define you, and tell you who you are. Anything that violates your free will, your sense of self and sense of personal truth about who you are, violates your personal boundaries. The codependent person does not have these boundaries in place so they often create selves or mold themselves around the perceptions and desires of the people they attach themselves to so they have no true understanding of whom they really are. Therefore they also have no sense of personal direction and often rely on others to create that for them.

• Having constant breakdowns and/or being involved in physically, sexually, emotionally, verbally, self or chemically abusive situations. These people need constant rescue. You will often feel as if you are running behind someone with a life jacket.

Eventually many people reach this same point where they realize that nothing that they do will help someone and no amount of encouragement or suggestions of counseling will do the trick. They then have to choose between remaining friends with someone like this or removing them entirely. No one’s lack of boundaries should ever interfere with the boundaries you choose around your life. No one should have to reorganize their lives to accommodate one person’s drama. There is a distinct difference between the codependent and someone simply moving through a rough point in life.

Simply speaking, codependency is an addiction to relationships. There is a fine line between healthy caring for someone and unhealthy addiction to caring for someone. Someone who does a lot of volunteer work can tell you how difficult it is not to be affected by the things they see and hear, however there is a difference between being affected which is a normal and natural response to hearing about the tragedies of others, and being addicted to the tragedy around you.

We must always be sure that the people we are choosing to associate with are healthy for us and that we are also healthy for them. A person that suffers from codependency is not an innately bad person; they simply have never learned how to have healthy relationships and as a result view themselves as martyr or victim and attach themselves to people and situations that allow them to fulfill those roles. Through family therapy, cognitive therapy, and group therapy these people are able to evolve into healthy individuals. This can take many years and most of us simply don’t have that much time to invest in maintaining someone else’s life. When we encounter people like this we will have a decision to make, make sure that it is one that does not violate your own personal boundaries. We can urge someone who is living a life of self destruction to make life affirming choices but we can not make those choices for them. We can only make choices for ourselves and our own lives.